ANTOLOGIA

The time will be running – non stop, nothing … or nobody can’t stop the time… we are the ones that move around it, we are just a thin line in the infinite book of general existence. We are a little part of the dirt in this immense earth as many famous writers have mentioned since I was in my mother’s womb.
My life will last the time God has decided to be. I don’t know how long it will be, but I know it will be enough to enjoy it and really understand that "since I was born, I started as a winner", 'cause a lot of people will never … even experience this… they will always remain as death in life.
An alternate side of a human being, that, I can not bear to understand yet... in my thoughts, in my heart, holding onto my faith, makes me believe that the outcome of any event will always be positive .. even thought for many will be a tragedy or something that doesnt have any worth or purpose to even mention...

I want...

I want to keep my eyes so I can still admire God’s creation
I want to keep my lips to still kiss the people I love
I want to keep my heart so I can feel the beat when I am in love
I want to hold an intact hope so it is a goal that will encourage me to still be here in this world
I want to have a very eventful destiny so I know I have lived to the fullest
I want to keep fantasies and dreams so my life can have my own touch and can be admire by my loved ones.
I want to always feel hugged
I want to sleep until very late during the weekends so my I can have completed dreams

I want my sons, grandsons, and nieces and nephews to have as many opportunities as I wanted to have in this life.
I want them to have eyes that can admire God’s creation, Lips to kiss, Heart beats when they are in love, that will create intact hopes , so their destiny can become eventful and their fantasies and dreams can make them unique and appreciated with a lot of hugs and complete dreams during the weekends . And finally, they will want their sons, their grandsons, to have the same as Gaby wanted for them.

I am alone again...

So , I have spent the most wonderful Christmas ever and also a very eventful new year. These holidays have been a time for me to really understand what other people expects or really wants during holidays...specially the ones i really care about.
Young teenagers hope to get lots of electronicals devices and hopefully a date on new year's eve. My wish this past year was to be around people I love and that love me for who I am.

My sister came to visit from california, it was very nice to see her, spent time laughing and watching kids movies, or just playing music while we were doing something at home. I can be myself around her and despite the fact that she is really moody and can certainly drive me nuts at times.. i love her very much so. She is a very loving and caring person and even though she is complicated to understand ,she is my sister and also my best friend.

Last night , her last night in Pittsburgh, whenever she went to sleep , I was just staring at her while she was sleeping and wondering why am I going to do whenever I will come back home and she will not be there anymore.. and I cried a little.
It is very cool to live by yourself but it gets lonely from time to time, it was nice to come back home and talk to her , go out together,and I will miss the nicest breakfast she used to make for me before I went to work.
I hate eating in the mornings but I could not say NO to her. The fact that she woke up early to prepare it ,made my heart melt.

I took her to the airport today , we play on the beatles CD I have in my car and we were singing to " I want to hold your hand".. she likes that song a lot, at the same time, my thoughts were running like a 100 miles per hour... mmm thinking.. ok Gaby, dont cry!, smile and she will smile and we will definitely avoid the sad part.. or at least try to hold the tears until she is passed the entrance door so she doesnt feel sad ... well I did a very good job.. holding the tears while i was bitting my lips.. I hugged her for a long time and felt like my arms didnt want to leave her alone, and I wish I said : "dont go! " but I know she has to so I said ... " See you soon"

Drove back to work and couldnt even listen to any music ... I was just driving and felt very lonely .. a couple of tears run down my face but I think I will be okay

Everytime i see someone in the airport reminds me the day when my mother took me to the airport in Peru , her face I will never forget that.. she looked like someone was stealing a part of her.. she was so pale, and despite the fact that she had a honest smile, her eyes contrasted the message , they were so sad, so empty inside... That's how I felt today... I smiled until she entered that door but my eyes couldnt lie.. i felt very empty and that's why I wore my reading glasses so she doesnt see me falling apart in small pieces.

I love you Bombon!
Gaby

Connecticut 2003

Remember being a 19 year old.. completely lost in connecticut.. maybe it was the fact that I didnt even speak English or the fact that everyone around to me seem to be SO different.
One day , I was in deep thought wondering this big and fancy white house where my host parents lived, white walls, furniture made of real wood, a classic american dog waiting on the back porche and me ... asking me what the hell am i supposed to be doing?

Turned on the TV.. didnt have any clue of what was going on.. just remember Jerry Springer on TV.. well I learned about him 6 months after when i started to learn bad words.. how funny is that.. that is always the first thing to learn than grammar or appropiate words that we are supposed to use .. specially in such neighborhood, where you were able to see Mercedes cars or BMWs everywhere, dogs in strollers, and well Nannies from other countries.. and also the most expensive food ever.. remember I had to pay almost $15.00 for a small cup of coffee.. i almost die whenever I paid.. with the same amount of money I will probably be able to have coffee for a month in Peru.. LOL
I think the person that helped me out the most was Belen( the coolest Chilean girl i will ever meet) and Prasha( my sweetheart from South Africa). These 2 Au Pairs showed me and taught me so much.. specially to socialize with other people.
I was much open to go to the university and make plans during the week to go to NY! , or just going shopping until you only have 5 bucks on your checkin account.. wow.. those iresponsible days will never come back.. but so glad I had them.. I had fun like a normal teenager and Im very grateful for every single episode in my life. Even the times when I really screwed up.. because I wouldnt be the woman I am now .
Other person that has also been there for me for a long time is my friend Roxana( Romania), she has always been the older sister i always wished for... so damn honest.. wow.. I really love that about her.. and yes, despite the many years separated from each other , we also still keep in touch
I might not have a lot of very good friends but the few I have I always keep in my thoughts and also in my writings or painting.
Simple Plan+ shopping in the mall+ Temple Bar+sweet+goofy+ PUNK = Belen
Tea with milk+ Avril Lavigne+ New Haven fun+ French toast with Charmaine= Prasha
Raw honest+ Urzu+ English Teacher+ a good advice always ready = Roxy
I would like to start this blog and dedicated to these 3 girls that opened so many doors for me and taught me that friendship is always there no matter what.
I met them on 2003-2004 ,spent lovely times with them and even thought they went back home or live in another state , we still keep in touch and Im so glad I met them.
Love you girls!
Gaby